Toni Sulankivi

I wavered on including this guy because he's almost too pretty. Because he's only an amateur model and makes his living as an IT geek, that pushed me off the fence. The fact that he's brainy in real life gives him the edge. Let's be realistic here -- you'd pour water on your keyboard just in hopes this bloke shows up to help.

"Toni" sounds like a drag queen, but Toni Sulankivi is from Finland, where they spell names differently. Straight men from Scandinavia can often be the most agonizing, because they don't have a homophobic bone in their body whilst they're utterly unobtainable. They're flattered you drool all over them at the same time they kindly let you know it'll never happen. They agonize you with their sweetness.

I knew a Norwegian guy like that when I lived in London. He knew I had the hots for him. At a party once, he even kissed me on the mouth when he got drunk. He also made it clear that's all that would ever happen. So close, and yet so far.

Toni, you make my chips melt.